Shit, Shit, Fasting & First Aid

It’s an odds and ends kind of day.  I want to write for the sake of writing and distraction from a few things, so I’m just going to write!

So yesterday was a shitty day.  And I mean it in the total literal sense of that word.  Hunter is having major constipation issues…again.  His daycare let me know that he had been trying to push all day yesterday and nothing was really coming out and that he was pretty uncomfortable and miserable because of it.  I totally get it.  He comes by his issues honestly and I know how I feel when dealing with days of backlog as well.  Yeah, TMI, but whatever!  My days are consumed by talking about poop to my son, to my husband, to the daycare people so it’s now just normal conversation for me to say “yeah, I passed my constipation issues on to my child.”  Anyway, so we got home last night and he retreated to a corner, which is what he’s been doing lately when he has to poop and he sat down and started pushing.  Who even knows why the kid chooses to sit with his butt on the ground while trying to get a shit out.  How to explain the law of gravity or the power of a squat position to a 3 year old?  So what we have been doing, when he does that, is run over and pick him up to try to get him in a squat-like position while leaning against our bodies. When he sees us coming he usually starts to screaming “NO NO GO AWAY!” but we still will grab him and get him into a better position.  Problem is, you gotta pick him up while he’s still trying to push.  Otherwise he just clenches that shit up (literally) and refuses to try to push.  But last night I caught him right at the perfect time and he got out a giant, rock solid shit.  And boy did he scream.  I feel so awful for this little guy and his issues.  I’m starting to look into a nightly routine of massaging his belly/intestines with castor oil as it helps break up the stuff in the intestines and bowels.  It’s what my doctor suggested to me to use for my issues.  I bought the stuff but then found with a change in diet, my issues weren’t as bad so I didn’t bother trying it.  But it’s easy for me because I’m an adult and I understand the importance of eating different foods for different issues.  I can’t really do that with the world’s fussiest little 3 year old eater.  Kid knows what he likes and often refuses to stray from it.  Sooo castor oil may be a possibility once I get an email back from my doctor confirming it’s safe.  And then we are back to the routine of him having a cup of water a day with laxative in it as per previous doctor direction.

But that’s not the only shitty part to the day.  Our other toddler, the 2 year old dog, decided that she’s going to get the shitty runs while in her crate and we are at work and have no idea it’s happened until we get home later in the day.  By that point she has potentially spent an entire day sitting in her own shit and it’s smeared everywhere in the kennel, on her blanket and all over her.  I walked into the house last night to a wall of poop stench.  It was nauseating how strong it was.  And the worst part is that she seems to not have a care in the world that she spent however long it was, coated in her own crap.  That dog is smart, but sometimes she’s clearly got no brain at all.  So last night I put Eddie on bedtime duty, I hosed the crap off of her and loaded her into the truck and drove to the local pet store that has dog wash stations to use and I spent almost an hour giving her a serious bath.  I chose not to use our bath tub at home because then it involves having to wash a ton of towels after, a full clean of the bath tub and surrounding walls from her shaking in the tub and then likely washing the floors after as when she gets out, despite being toweled of she’s still soaking wet and will spread it all over the house.  So it’s easier to pay $10 and use the store’s tubs, shampoos, towels and then they have a hose to use to blow air on her and dry her off enough to let her back in the truck.  My evening plans of cleaning the inside of my truck were completely kaiboshed (not sure if that’s the right spelling) so I could deal with her poop issues as well as Hunter’s.  A literal shitty evening!

I did figure out what was causing the poop issues with her.  I thought it was the heat initially, but then I realized that some new chewing bone things I got her, to keep her out of trouble, have chicken in them.  Little girl is allergic to chicken.  Not in a “oh crap I could have killed my dog” kind of allergy, but more of a “oh crap I made my dog’s stomach upset” kind of allergy.  Thankfully.  So those chew bones are now in the trash and I’m on a mission to find the same brand but without chicken in it.  You would not believe how many dog food items have chicken in them.  A cheap, easy filler I guess.

I’m back on my intermittent fasting as of yesterday.  I stopped doing it while I was having the migraines because I simply needed to eat whatever my body would let me in order to refuel after all of the throwing up.  It’s quite incredible how quickly my bloating goes down and I feel an improvement in energy when doing the fasting.  In the five days I fasted I dropped 4 pounds.  I gained 2 of those pounds back in the week that I was off the program and basically eating whatever I wanted…and it was allllllll the bad things and didn’t exercise once.  So to only gain 2 pounds back is pretty awesome given what I was consuming mindlessly.  It’s been quite interesting.  I haven’t been announcing to the world (besides in here) that I’m doing the fasting, but as the days go on, I hear of people mentioning it and how they are going to try it out.  I then will talk about what I’m doing with them and I feel totally surprised that I had never heard of the fasting before.  I finally mentioned it to my personal trainer last night and he got SO excited.  He said he loves intermittent fasting as a safe and effective way to lose weight and highly encouraged me to keep going with it.  One of his clients who trains with him before me is starting to do it next week and she has two young kids too and we both agreed that for busy working moms it is far easier to do the fasting than it is to be in the kitchen every night weighing and measuring food carefully.  There is still some of that involved, but it just seems less daunting than, say when I tried to move into doing Keto at one point and it was taking me forever to ensure I had the exact amount of macros counted for each meal.  So yay for intermittent fasting!  My goal is to stick with it until Hunter’s birthday party on August 25th.  But I will have two little speed bumps with two camping trips in the month of August.  I may choose to do the fasting part but then be a bit more balanced with regular foods during eating time instead of being as restricted as I am during the week.  We’ll see.  Time will tell!

Not next week but the following week I start a one week intensive first aid course.  I started doing the pre-reading things for it yesterday and, not gonna lie…I’m feeling a little panicked about it.  The course book says to expect 1-3 hours of homework each night on top of a full day of class work.  I’m really hoping it is closer to 1 hour a night, because I truly don’t have 3 hours every night to be doing homework assigned to me.  My only choice may be to stay up later than I usually do to ensure I’m getting it all in.  I’m not so much worried about the actual stuff that I get to learn.  I’m eager to know all the things.  But I’m really worried about the exam part of it.  I’m horrible at exams.  Always have been.  I might study my butt off but then get to the written exam and bomb it.  I was relieved to see that if I fail the exam, I can re-take it within 6 months and the only parts that I have to re-take are the ones I got wrong.  They honour all of the correct answers.  So that’s a huge weight off my mind.  But yesterday I started to feel a little panicked about things like heart attacks.  We have a lot of employees here who should have retired already but can’t afford to so they are plugging along….including one who just had massive heart surgery less than a year ago.  I started to think about how it would all fall on me if he has a heart attack and what happens if he dies on my watch??  Blood, broken bones, sprains, head injuries…I can handle those.  But death????  I would be a mess.  A HUGE mess.  I know I’m thinking absolute worst case scenario and likely being dramatic…but anything is a possibility.  While I’m excited to be the “hero” who saves someone’s decapitated finger…I’m freaking out about things that can kill a person in minutes…if not seconds even if the right steps are taken.  Ack.  I’m going to track down our current First Aid Attendant and pick her brain.  Maybe she can talk me off the ledge!

That’s all I got for the Thursday musings!


Birthday Party Organization…Oh My!

Every year, or at least for the past 3 years I say that we are going to do a low key birthday celebration for Hunter because…well…he’s so young!  He won’t remember any of these birthdays until he’s at least 6 or even older.  I quietly go about not planning anything in my head beyond doing a little celebration with immediate family and calling it a day.  But then the husband comes around and starts talking about the birthday party and I suggest that maybe we just do something small as we don’t really know people with kids his age so it basically means we are hauling a bunch of adults out of the city, to our place to sit around, eat, drink and watch a child open his gifts.  I know there are a few people in our core group who are all over that shit and can’t wait to come and celebrate the little man, but for some reason I feel like we are imposing on the child-less friends by asking them to come and celebrate a 3 year old’s birthday.  If you could only have seen the look of horror on my husband’s face when I finish with my explanation and suggestion.  His response is basically “fuck that!  We’re having a party!”  He is of the belief that those who want to come, will come, and those who don’t, won’t.  He clearly doesn’t over-think it like I do.  Which isn’t totally uncommon in our relationship.

So then I’m left to start piecing together some ideas of how to throw this birthday party that I wasn’t planning to throw.  I get him to pick a date and make a bit of a game plan and then usually I delegate certain tasks on to him so it’s not all falling on me to do.  I then start to do mental checklists of what I will need to do in advance vs. what can be done closer to the date.  I recently saw someone make a post about whatever happened to simple kid’s birthday parties at home and why have they become big elaborate events located elsewhere.  But I think the older generation who is talking about the good ‘ol days forgets that even when hosting a party in your own home, there is a lot of organizing still involved.  And back in those days, a lot of people didn’t outsource other people to help take care of a few things.  There was still food to be bought and prepared by scratch, cakes to be made, decorations to be bought and set up, activities for the kids to organize (once kids are older), goodie bags to be put together (if you are into that), then getting everything served and then the clean up after.  The only kind of party that doesn’t involve any work is no party.  Even with the simple ones there is still a lot to be done.  In some ways, it is easier for people to not host it in their home as when it’s in a public park, for example, all the dishes and food can be contained to one small area and people are more likely to help with the cleanup than they are in a home.

So as I truck along with starting to plan the party, I continuously have to remind myself to not go too crazy and to keep it simple.  All people want is food, a tasty cake and some good drink options.  When Hunter turned 1 we went a little above and beyond.  Eddie made his fancy gourmet burgers and giant pitchers of sangria.  We spent some solid money on a fancy cake.  We bought decorations for our little event in the park.  I made goodie buckets for the kids.  It was a lot of work, but our baby was turning 1!  For his second birthday we hosted it at our house.  This time we skipped the homemade gourmet burgers and instead did snack platters of veggies and fruit that we cut ourselves and then Costco appetizer packs of deep fried goodness and meatballs and then some bowls of chips.  We had people outside on the patio, in the yard and in the house.  There were a couple other kids there so I set up the kiddy pool and put some toys out and called it a day.  Now, it’s not to say it didn’t take a LOT of work to keep it that “simple”.  I was rushing around town all morning buying groceries, alcohol and non-alcohol drinks, ice for coolers to keep the drinks in and then coming home and setting everything up and eventually racing through the shower to wash off the sweat from all the busy work.  Eddie is obsessed with having the best cake ever for his little boy.  So the rule is that if it’s being made by someone who doesn’t live in our town, he is in charge of traveling to pick it up.  And he has to take Hunter with him so I can do the rest of the prep being kid-free.  He organized last year’s cake with the woman who made our wedding cake.  The previous year he organized one through another woman in the city.  And this year it seems to have landed in my lap to handle after his initial attempts at finding someone have flopped.  So he has new duties now but will still be picking up the cake.

Because our life is already crazy enough with renovations inside the house and now outside the house, I have reached out to my good ol’ friend Amazon Prime for taking care of napkins, plates, cups and a few little fun decoration things.  In 2-3 business days I will have all of my shopping, besides food, completed and I just had to click on a mouse to make it happen.  I’m feeling all kinds of levels of environmental guilt for buying paper plates and cups, but I don’t even think we have enough real plates to serve even the few people who have RSVP’d as “yes” so far, so if even more come, they will be eating out of their hands!  So it is what it is at the moment.  By the time the party arrives we probably will barely have our kitchen stuff out of boxes anyway!  I’m going to delegate my mom to pick up some things from Costco, since we don’t have one in our town and then I abso-freakin-lutely will not be saving the remaining items grocery shop for the day of the party like I have done in the past.  I’m not going to bother with anything that requires someone to stand in front of the BBQ cooking up food.  I chose a time of day where people will have likely already eaten lunch and will be satisfied with snacks.  It’s still over a month until the actual party, but with how our August is looking, I need to be prepared ahead of time.

The biggest stressor about hosting this party at our house is first off, not knowing how far along our renovations are going to be.  Our contractor has assured us that the kitchen will be functional so I’m really hoping he can stick to that.  Then there’s the deck that Eddie has suddenly decided to build that goes around the back side of our house and encompasses the hot tub.  He’s got one part of it built so far, but he’s quickly losing weekends where he can build it.  Something tells me that he will be taking a day or two off of work to get it finished before the party.  He’s totally chill about it, but in the back of my over reactive mind I’m feeling panicked.  But the deck is out of my control.  It all falls on him.  I’m focusing on controlling the things I can control.  I know my husband very well and I know that he will have the backyard in tip top shape by the time the party date rolls around.

All in all, I know it will be a fine party and a fun day for everyone.  I still would love to be just doing something small and more intimate, but what we have organized so far is a compromise between what I want and what Eddie wants for our little boy.  Hunter would be happy with four people and with 15 people, so long as he has his pool outside to entertain himself with.

So here we go again.  Third year on the earth and third birthday party to organize.  Here’s hoping that we can continue to keep the parties as simple at home parties that don’t take a lot of creativity!

Mental Health Insensitivity

I work in a city that is on one side of a body of water and has two bridges connecting it to the larger city.  It’s not really rocket science to figure out where I am if you know what country I live in and you can piece together what areas have bodies of water surrounding them.  I don’t usually put out there exact details of where I live, for obvious privacy purposes but in the case of this post, it is important to know that there are two bridges that connect the cities together.
This morning morning commuter traffic was ground to a halt because on the one, higher bridge, someone decided that they were going to try to take their own life by jumping off of it.  Emergency responders were able to arrive in time to start the negotiation process with this struggling person, but in order to do it, they closed the entire bridge.  It’s the busiest bridge in the city with already horrific traffic build up even on a good day.  So the total closure of this bridge sent the entire city and surrounding cities into chaos as people had to re-route and travel across the city to the other bridge, where congestion got horribly bad and people were hours late for work.  There are ways to get across the water by public transit and apparently these boats had 4-5 sailing waits to make the 15 minute trek across the inlet.  A rarity.  So suffice to say, it was not a good morning for a lot of commuters.
But that’s not entirely what I’m writing about.  I’m writing about how a mom’s group I belong to had a thread going keeping people updated on the traffic situation and on the bridge closure.  Helping to keep those who were stuck in the traffic informed or advising those who hadn’t left their homes yet to just stay home for a few more hours.  It was a well meaning thread.  But of course some of the details of why the bridge was closed began to surface and that’s when comments came out that absolutely blew me away.  Two of my favourites were:
“Why would they close the entire bridge for just a jumper?  Why not keep two lanes open so we can get to work?”
and the even better one
“I don’t meant to sound super insensitive but this is ridiculous if people are going to jump why are they always doing at rush hour because they need the attention?  F*** do it at 2 a.m when no one’s going to know just my two cents”
Shitty grammar all part of the original message as I needed to copy it word for word because there was no way I could sugar coat what a horrific thing someone chose to say.  Someone who is raising children of her own and is passing on these kinds of thoughts to kids who are part of a society where mental health issues are rampant and need support, not insensitivity like this.
I’m thankful that many women took to this comment and just roasted her.  Her saying “I don’t meant to sound super insensitive” doesn’t make her comment any less fucking harsh.  It doesn’t make her someone anyone will sympathize with just because she attempted to make herself not seem like a bitch when saying a bitchy thing.
Her comment truly shed a light on the fact that there are still so many people out there who are completely ignorant to how mental illness works.  It could be by choice or it could be because she hasn’t truly taken the time to educate herself on it or it could be that she’s never been affected by it directly so why bother trying to understand.  For someone to think that a person who is in the darkest moment of their entire life, who is prepared to end it because it is that difficult, is going to think of thousands of other people and decide “hey, it’s rush hour and happy people are trying to get to work so I’m just going to put this suicide off until later on tonight where I won’t bother anyone.” is just mind blowing.  100% mind blowing.  Mental illness is not a thing of convenience.  It is a scary, terrifying place for those who battle with it daily and when they reach their end, whatever time of day that may be, they will do whatever they feel they need to do, in whatever way they feel they need to do it and don’t think about anyone else.  Because that person is also thinking that everyone else will be better off without them around.
How can I, with a (more or less) perfectly healthy brain and who has never struggled with depression get that but numerous other women in this mom’s group don’t?  How could they possibly feel it was safe to go and post something like that among the many other comments of people wishing prayers and positive thoughts to the person going through the difficult moment.  How can they think that this one moment, in one morning, of one day, out of the entire year is a huge inconvenience to themselves?  How freaking self absorbed can one person be?  I get it.  We all have to get to work as we have bills to pay, but when it’s hundreds of people affected by the same thing, and if you’re in contact with your employer about it, then I’m fairly certain almost every employer out there is going to understand and know that you are doing what you can to get to work.  There is a person out there who is on the verge of losing their life.  Families and friends who will forever be affected by this decision…and there are asshole women out there who are only worried about getting to work or taking their kids to the aquarium on the other side of the bridge.  Fucking blows my mind.
We have a long, long way to go as a society to learn to treat mental illness like we do to cancer, or even the common cold.  How can we show sympathy to someone who is stuck at home with the sniffles but we can’t give the same kind of sensitivity to someone who is struggling with the decision on whether they should kill themselves or not?  Yes, a lot of us don’t know what to say to someone in that position.  But a lot of the time just simply being there for that person is what it will take to help them through.  I am thankful that many other women took to the post in support of the person as well as to other women who opened up about their own mental health struggles, suicide attempts and losing family members to suicide.  There is clearly more love in this world than there is hate and that gives me hope for everyone out there who is struggling and that we will see a good change in how we all perceive mental illness sooner rather than later.

Moving Forward

So my last post was a pretty big downer one.  Probably the most negative one I have posted in my time of writing in here.  When I get migraines, even if it’s just one, it’s actually a little scary to see the negative space my mind goes into afterwards.  The chemicals in the brain can go quite crazy during a migraine and then they take time to settle back to normal after it has passed.  Often this can lead to some pretty depressive thoughts.  I have done research on this and found that it’s a pretty common thing and that it’s important to understand that this can happen and to not let it win.  To focus on redirecting the thoughts to more positive things and move forward.  But sometimes I let the chemical imbalance take over.  Especially if I’ve had more than one migraine in a row.  My body is worn down, broken down and I live in a state of paranoia that I’m going to get another migraine.  It’s not a fun place to be in.  After I wrote that post, my husband came home and I basically ended up in a huge crying session where I sobbed about everything that was weighing down on me.  He calmly reminded me that I go to this mental state after every migraine and struggle to see the positives around me even when they are glaringly obvious.  He then got me to calm down and sent me off to bed.  I ended up getting another migraine, a fourth one, which came on around 2:30 in the morning and it was a bad one.  The next day I slept until about 9:00 and then planned to stay home and wallow in self-pity.  Because migraines suck.  But at about 9:30 I decided that I needed to check myself, so I had a quick shower, got dressed, put some comfy clothes on and hauled myself to work.  Sitting at home wasn’t going to help me out at all.  I looked like shit when I got to work, and numerous colleagues were kind enough to remind me of that, but it was a good distraction.  By the evening I was starting to feel a bit like myself.


I don’t know what the answer is to the depressive state that migraines can send me spiralling into, because it is going to happen again.  All I can do is try to remember that it’s temporary and to have others around me who can help remind me that it’s not all doomsday like I seem to think it is.


Last night I took a dose of the new medication my doctor prescribed me when I saw her on Wednesday.  I used to use a cream based medicine but now am doing an oral medication.  She said that some people find it more effective and it actually helps their sleep as well as balancing out the hormones it needs to.  So that’s really good.  I don’t know if I didn’t get a migraine today because of the medication or because the just ran their course for now.  But either way it’s a positive thing.  I barely slept last night because I was so worried I would sleep through the start of a migraine and not be able to take my meds at the right time, but I’m dealing with the sleep deprivation fine because I’m just happy I’m not dealing with a migraine hangover.


So, all that being said, it’s time for some redirection and a positive post.  So here are a few positive things that happened or are happening:


  • I took Hunter for a haircut last night and I was truly dreading how it would be as the kid haaaaaates haircuts. I prepared myself for the worst because it was easier to do that as anything could be an improvement on the worst.  Every haircut leading up to now has been him screaming the whole way through and both of us ending up in a sweaty mess with hair covering both of us.  But this time he eagerly walked into the little kid’s shop and after a little fuss of not wanting to sit in the chair, he sat down, let her put the cape over him and let her spray his hair with water.  And then he let her start cutting and didn’t cry once!  He fussed a little when she cut around his ears, but otherwise he was a little rock star!  And when he climbed off of the chair at the end, I could tell he felt so good.  He was so happy and enthusiastic about his hair cut and how good he was.  Now, I will admit that as we headed to the hairdresser I maaaay have bribed him with ice cream.  I told him that if he was a really good boy during his cut that we would get ice cream after.  You better believe that the moment his feet hit the floor he was asking for his ice cream.  Kid is smart!  And I’m not even ashamed that I had to bribe him to get through it!  And he looked darn handsome afterwards too!


  • Another adorable thing is that we bought a pool noodle for him to play with in his little pool in the backyard. I know a tiny knee deep pool doesn’t really need a noodle, but it was $2 and I’m all for anything that will keep him outside having fun this summer.  We got stuck in traffic on the drive home yesterday and he was bopping the noodle around in the backseat when he realized it has a hole going through it and he started talking into it.  I showed him that I could hear his words through the other end of the noodle and we started making sounds back and forth, having fun.  And then he did the cutest thing.  He said repeatedly into the noodle “looooob yoooouuuu” (aka “love you”).  This is the first time he’s ever said it without being prompted by me.  He will usually say it back if I say it to him but never on his own free will.  It almost melted my heart!  Even though he’s been a little terror lately, he certainly has these uber sweet moments that make the hard moments bearable!


  • This weekend Eddie is going to get the deck that goes off of our backdoor and around the hot tub built. It’s going to be a big job but will be so amazing once it is done as it will greatly reduce the amount of debris that is coming in from outside on the dog’s paws.  I can’t keep the floors clean these days because of all the grass and dirt that they are hauling in.  With the deck I will be able to put down a nice outdoor rug that will help collect the dirt and stuff off their paws.  This will be the final step of backyard building and we can then get the hot tub running.  And then we can do some landscaping in the areas the contractors dug up to lay down the electrical lines to go to the sauna.  I’m a little sad that we are losing some of our backyard actual yard with the deck, but we will still have enough for lots of summer fun!



  • Hunter gets to go to his first friend invited birthday party tomorrow. His little BFF from daycare asked his mom to invite Hunter to come to the party.  All of the other little parties he’s gone to have been kids who are only in his life because they are people I know, not because he’s bonded with them.  This is his first one for a kid that he has made friends with on his own accord which is pretty cool.  He picked him a car hauling semi-truck toy last weekend as a gift and was adamant that it is what the little boy would want.  I’m a little worried that the toy might be a little young for this boy as he’s turning 4 and seems a bit mature for his age, but hopefully it will work.


  • After reading a post of a blogger friend of mine, I’m going to start working to embrace this summer as a “summer of yes”, as she called it. On the weekends when we are home and free, I want to try to fill our time with as many fun but simple things as possible.  Water balloon fights, trips to the beach or river, head into the city to the closest water park, go for ice cream, go to playgrounds, go to the wading pool, and whatever other fun things I can come up with!



  • I have started to piece together ideas for Hunter’s upcoming birthday party at the end of August. I know it’s still a little ways away, but this busy mama needs to do things in advance otherwise it’s going to be a major last minute rush job and end up stressful.  And august is already packed with things going on.  I’m not going to go crazy with decorations or anything because there really is no point.  People are coming for the little monster, food and drinks.  It will be in our backyard so I will get a few balloons and maybe a little birthday banner but that’s about it.  It’s going to be a little bit camping themed and I’m going to find someone to make adorable cookies like the ones in the picture below to give to people who make the trek to celebrate with us.  We won’t have too many kids at it as we haven’t really got any RSVPs from friends from the city who have kids, so it may just be Hunter as the center of kid attention.  But I will have his little pool outside and may put the slip and slide out depending on who comes.  Otherwise it will just be a little chill afternoon in our, hopefully finished newly renovated house!


That’s good enough for now.  A much more positive post to wrap up the week with!


Have a great weekend to anyone who reads this!


*Do not read this post if you aren’t prepared for a fair amount of swearing and whining*

I kind of feel like my world is a crumbling mess right now.  I sit at all hours of the day trying desperately to remember what needs to be done, what is coming up in the schedule, who is where, and what the hell am I supposed to be doing.  Case in point, I just got Hunter to bed, 20 minutes later than normal and here I am writing instead of attacking the sink of dirty dishes, vacuuming then mopping the filthy floor, folding the four yes FOUR loads of clean laundry sitting on the couch, changing the sheets on the bed and making lunches for tomorrow.  Not to mention the sheer mess that is surrounding me on the dining table as I type this.  Tonight I was near tears as my almost 3 year old stood there, naked, screaming at me because he didn’t want me to use the towel I picked to dry him off after his bath, and then he went on to say repeatedly that he didn’t like me.

Well you know what kid?  I don’t like you very much right now either.  There.  I said it.  I may love him, but I don’t like him very much these last few days.  He’s heading into the age of 3 and oh my fucking god is he testing every single god damn nerve I have.  I want to yell at him to stop freaking out over every little thing.  I want to close the door to whatever room he’s flipping out in and just walk away.  But you know what?  He is a bloody angel for his Dad.  He is fun, happy, full of smiles, he LISTENS and makes his Dad’s days better when he gets home from work.  For me though?  It’s the total opposite.  I end my days coming home with a child that has flipped out four times on the car ride home and all four times I have had to pull over and deal with whatever small thing he has decided to melt down over because I just need some peace and quiet for a split second.  This makes the drive home even longer having to do this.  Yeah, I could continue driving and just let him lose his shit in the back seat, but when he’s screaming so hard he’s coughing and sounding like he’s choking….I have to stop.  I don’t even know how I’m going to navigate this next year if this is an indicator of what it is going to be like.  I’m predicting a lot of tears on my part.  When I try to talk to Eddie about it he reminds me that he’s spent the last 3 years having his child essentially rejecting him, preferring mommy and screaming every time he got near him.  And that it hurts but he’s gotten through it.  I have had to tell him that it’s not the same thing as Hunter screams bloody murder over everything I do or say, but he still wants to be with me.  It’s not like it was with Eddie where Hunter would run away from him and he wouldn’t have to deal with the screaming child on top of the rejection.  Both things suck, yes.  But they are both different situations

I’m also feeling massive levels of stress over hearing from all directions about how we need to start potty training him.  Everyone and their fucking dog wants to remind me that he’s getting older now and we should probably be doing it.  I bought all of the shit that is needed to get the kid on the toilet.  But everything I have read says that you need a good amount of time to really instill the potty rules on the child.  WHERE THE FUCK DOES THIS TIME COME FROM????  I keep thinking about what weekends we have coming up where we will be able to really hone in on it and get it done.  But there is something going on during almost every single weekend for the next month and a half.  Yeah, we could skip a camping trip to do it, but my sanity needs those camping trips.  I need SOMETHING to look forward to when our days are quite literally work, eat, exercise (maybe) come home and deal with the bratty child.  So potty training keeps staying on hold, and at this rate it will be until September when maybe, just maybe time will somehow appear.  And everyone who wants to ask me or tell me he should be potty trained can go fuck themselves.

And then there’s my own personal things.  My migraines have ramped up again and in the last two days I have had 3 migraines.  I have missed two straight days of work this week and I’m now back to living on the edge of fear and paranoia that another one is going to come.  This is my life.  It sounds crazy to say that migraines used to be easy.  I would get one and go home from work, lie in bed and deal with it for a few hours and then relocate to the couch for the rest of the day and into the evening.  Now though?  I can stay home from work, yes, but at 2:30 I have to drag my sick ass out of bed, get in the truck and drive into the city to get the above mentioned screaming child from daycare and then drive the 50 minutes back home.  Eddie tries to help out where he can, but most days his schedule at that time of the day isn’t flexible enough to allow him to pick Hunter up.  And once home, I have to drag my sick ass through an evening with the miserable child because he only wants mommy and doesn’t want daddy to do any of the evening routine.  Because apparently daddy can’t put fucking peanut butter on toast like mommy can.  So, anyway, today I went back to my doctor to talk about the migraines, which are clearly hormone based, and she changed my prescription for the progesterone cream I was on and also gave me something else to take.  And you know what?  She was so awesome and sent it to the pharmacy for me so I could swing by and pick it up on my way to get Hunter…and I completely forgot to go and get it because the moment I left her office my mind went into a million different directions on what I needed to do.  Can someone just please create a brain transplant and give me a new one that doesn’t give me these demonic migraines 3 times in 2 fucking days??

I’m starting to hear it from work about how basically unacceptable it is that once in a blue moon I ask to come in a bit late because Eddie has a meeting that he can’t change and I need to drop Hunter off at daycare.  My boss has made it sound like I’m basically abusing the system by asking “so often” and there’s going to come a point where she’s going to have to say no.  What the fuck??  Ok…how about this.  I quit and you better believe I will be going to the Union and putting in some kind of case against her for not accommodating a woman who works her ass off for her and also needs to be a mother too.  I seriously wanted to do that the other day.  She keeps saying that she doesn’t want to be the bad guy saying this and that she’s got Union rules she has to follow to ensure equal treatment of all employees and if one person notices that I’m getting these special exceptions, then they are going to expect it themselves.  But you know what?  There is another girl in my department, which is a very small department, who reports to a different manager and somehow she has managed to make an arrangement with him that twice a week she will be in late because she has to drop her twins off at the same fucking daycare my kid goes to.  But apparently, according to my boss, this arrangement works because it is a consistent one every week, whereas mine is more sporadic.  HOW IS THAT WORSE???  She’s doing it 8 times a month and I’m asking for fucking once a month IF THAT!!!  I don’t get it.  I seriously don’t get it.  The moment Eddie has to let me know I need to do the drop off my entire mood spins into one of anxiety and stress because I know exactly how my boss is going to handle it.  But I have no other option.  I could look for a new job, but where?  One in the city so Hunter can stay at his daycare that he loves?  One in the town we live in, where there are zero openings at any of the reputable daycare or preschools?  I can’t work in the town we live in and still have Hunter at daycare in the city.  It isn’t doable.  I don’t know.  I really don’t.

My social life.  Or lack there of.  I have none.  I never see friends.  I have one friend who I don’t think I’ve seen in over a year, despite us texting every now and then and she lives about a 70 minute drive from my house.  I never see my sister.  I haven’t made a single friend in the town we live in because of work and commuting.  I never see my parents, and soon enough they are going to be moving even further away and I will truly never see them.  The mom friends I met while on maternity leave have almost all moved out of the city or are now pregnant with kid #2 or just had kid #2 and their lives have become drastically different now and they are naturally unable to just arrange meet ups like we used to.  On most days I feel like I don’t have any friends.  Yes, I have people I text.  But when life gets busy, texts fall off the radar or get forgotten to be responded to.  And those texts don’t compare to the feeling of a good meet up with a friend where the conversation flows and there is lots of laughter.  It’s therapeutic.  I don’t even know how to fix this.  Making new friends doesn’t come easy to me so I can’t just waltz out there in this new town and make BFFs with another mom at the playground.  I’m awkward as fuck and usually am ok to retreat back to my own little bubble with Hunter demanding my time.  It’s tiring, upsetting and I just don’t know what to do about it.  I wish there was endless time for me to zip into the city on weekends and see old friends, but it takes so much planning to make that happen and eventually that planning falls by the wayside and the date discussed passes and suddenly it’s 3 months later.  True story.

Our house renovations are really getting to me.  We now have industrial sized fans running in our kitchen space and master bathroom to dry the drywall that is being installed.  I’m thankful it’s only for a few more days because they are so freaking loud.  Everything is a disorganized, chaotic mess and I just want a kitchen counter that I can put a dish drying rack on and not worry about that rack being in the way for my food preparation or that I’m going to bump it while doing the laundry and send all the clean dishes crashing to the floor.  We seem to have fruit flies constantly despite my efforts at keeping the laundry room/temporary kitchen clean and free from them.  Some days I’m preparing food while straddling a pile of dirty laundry in preparation for it to go into the washing machine once one load is done.  And I’m cutting up Hunter’s apple with a sharp knife while the washing machine shakes aggressively underneath.  I’m so over it.  And there is still over a month to go.  Our backyard is also a construction zone with the husband deciding he’s going to build a deck that extends our backdoor space out a bit and then around the hot tub.  It will look great, but right now there are giant 2 x 4s lying in piles everywhere.  There is a concrete mixer in the middle of the yard.  There are giant holes dug where the hot tub is going to sit.  There are power tools everywhere.  I can’t even escape the renovation chaos by going into our backyard.

My list could go on and on.  The two dogs aren’t getting the activity they need so the one we just spent over $1,000 on her training is acting out and basically making that training a moot point.  But we can’t find a dog walker who will agree to using the shock collar on her.  So we can’t send her on the group hikes like she had been doing previously until we know that person is going to use our training requirements.  And neither of us have time to take her on the hour long hikes she needs every night.  I’m going to start bringing her for runs with me.  But it’s so hot out right now that it’s almost dog abuse to do that to her.  Speaking of runs.  I’m supposed to be training to do a half marathon in October.  I’m supposed to be running 3 times a week.  I’m barely getting one run in a week and I have my personal trainer, who doesn’t have kids, breathing down my neck about why I haven’t been running.  He’s telling me to put Hunter in a jogging stroller and take him out with me.  Is he planning to spend the $800 on a stroller for me?  He says to hire a babysitter to watch him while I go for a run.  I don’t even launch into it with him about how hard it is to find a reliable babysitter in this small town despite the many, many teenagers here and that is the reason me and my husband never have date nights.  Which is a whole other issue in itself.  He tells me to drive into the city and my parents can watch him while I go for a run on the weekend.  Yeah, I’m sure that would work once or twice, but my parents have lives too and almost every second weekend they are out of town at their other house.  I’m just tired of having to defend myself to him and why I’m not getting the runs in.  Yes, I could be going at 9:00 at night.  But I’m so fucking tired that Netflix and my bed win out.  I’m beginning to think that I should just tell my trainer that I’m only going to do the 8km running race in October and that will be good enough.  Eddie steps in on weekends when he can, but with so many things on his plate too with work, house renovations and his own training for a huge bike race, that it’s a tough balance fitting my own training in there too.  No, his training stuff isn’t taking priority over mine.  But he’s clearly better at making plans and sticking to them and he always finds ways to accommodate what I need to do in there too.  And then it falls on me to actually follow through with what I need to do when that opening comes.  Yeah, this all sounds like excuses, but I’m overwhelmed with everything at the moment so it is what it is until I can think more clearly.

I was hoping writing this all out would help make me feel better, but it isn’t really.  Instead now it’s 9:00 and the dishes haven’t been done, the bedding hasn’t been washed, I need to make lunches and I need to shower.  So I apologize now for this massive, HUGE pity party I just threw here and I can only hope that tomorrow is a better day.

One of Those Weekends

I won’t lie…this weekend was a hard one.  Probably one of the hardest ones I’ve had in a long time.  Even when we were in the throes of preparing our old house for the move the weekends were still decent.  But this one really threw me for a loop.  Saturday was bad but Sunday was way worse.

The main issue was that Hunter was not feeling 100% as he has a little cold and cough.  Friday I picked him up from daycare and he was walking around holding the hand of his favourite caregiver with a tear stained, red puffy face and the moment he saw me he burst into tears and came running and jumped into my arms and nuzzled into my neck.  Big, sad sobs soaked my shirt.  I collected his things and we walked back to the car, him in my arms still fussing.  I put him in his seat, gave him a soother (despite our current rule of trying to restrict them), put a DVD into the seat headrest TV screen and started the drive home.  He suddenly started screaming about his ear hurting.  This is the kid who will cry wolf all the time about things hurting and usually when I ask him about what hurts, he will say nothing hurts.  But this time, he kept wailing on and on about how much his ear hurt so I knew it was serious this time.  I didn’t have any Tylenol in my bag like I usually do, so we stopped at a pharmacy nearby and I hauled his sobbing butt into the store and let him pick which painkiller he wanted, because apparently the Tylenol I was going to pick was not sufficient because he didn’t like the picture on the box.  We settled on Motrin and grape flavour.  I then made the mistake of walking through the stuffed animal section of the pharmacy and he spotted a bunny and immediately started crying about wanting it.  Because I felt so awful that he was feeling so miserable, I bought it for him.  The kid usually handles sickness like a trooper.  He goes quiet, cuddly and just is.  But to have him as a crying wreck, my mama heart hurt.  So he got that bunny.  And that bunny went everywhere this weekend with him.  Once back in the car, he eagerly took the medicine, which was another sign of how shitty he felt and then he passed out cold the moment the car started moving.  But then…once home…it was like the kid from before had disappeared and he was happy, chatty and eager to play outside in his little pool.  It was to the point that Eddie didn’t believe me about the teary mess Hunter was earlier because he was such a happy camper in the pool.

But then on rolled Saturday.  I got a brief breather from parenting to go to the gym and work out with my local trainer.  But the rest of the day was all me and Hunter.  We had agreed that Eddie would really focus on getting the yard dealt with over the weekend.  It was our one major goal.  And then I would pitch in where I could when Hunter would actually let me step away more than 3 feet from him.  However, the weather didn’t work too well in our favour so it was a mostly indoor day that day.  I managed to keep the miserable child occupied for the most part with playing with toys upstairs in his room, downstairs in the living room, going outside when the rain took breaks and with a little bit of ipad time.  But he was so insanely clingy that he wouldn’t let his dad do a thing.  Eddie pulled the fancy train set out for them to play with as it is a “dad and son” thing that I don’t get involved in and usually gives me at least a solid half hour to get some chores done around the house.  But do you think he wanted me to leave him to play with his dad?  Heeeellllll no.  So I ended up having to sit on the floor with them, pretending to be interested in the trains that they were both all crazy about, stressing about the jobs I needed to get done because the house was a bomb.  He refused to try to have a nap at home, so I shoved him in the car and we went for a drive where he fell asleep the moment we turned out of our street.  I thought a nap would bring him back to happy boy place, but the moment he woke up he started melting down over anything and everything.  I somehow made it through the next couple of hours and put him to bed.  The moment I shut his bedroom door I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  Time to relax.  I tossed on a romcom movie and huddled up in bed.  My happy place.

Sunday.  Oh my god Sunday was BAD.  Eddie had to go for a big 60km road bike training ride to prepare for a race he’s doing in a couple months so Hunter and I just hung out at home while he was gone.  I realized fairly early on that he was one cranky child, so I knew I couldn’t keep him barricaded in the house for too long.  We got dressed and went to a nearby coffee shop where I felt my stress and broke my fast (I’m not supposed to eat until 12:30) and got a coffee I shouldn’t have as it’s not part of the meal plan either.  I drank my feelings.  Not a great moment.  And that kind of put the day in a bit of a downhill direction when it came to my eating.  But I won’t get into that as I have enough regret floating around in my head over it.  The coffee shop is right by a small little toy store that has a train table outside for kids to play with, so we wandered over there and he happily played with the table and ate his banana bread while I sat in the sun and drank my coffee.  All was good until two other little kids came over and started trying to pick apart his 10 trains long row that he had created on the table.  Hunter is shy.  There’s no denying that.  So the moment these more ballsy kids got involved, he backed off.  And of course when he backed off, they basically took over what he had been doing.  Their mom was busy sorting out her backpack so she didn’t notice it happening, but when she realized they had taken over and weren’t listening to me nicely telling them that there were lots of other trains to play with and that Hunter was playing with those, she stepped in and got them redirected.  But the damage was done at that point.  Hunter was upset that they basically pushed him aside so they could play with what he saw as his toys and he wanted to go home.  I really don’t know how to get him to be a little bit more headstrong when it comes to other kids who aren’t as shy as him and to hold his ground when they try to take over what he’s playing with.  I do teach him to share, but when he’s clearly playing with something, those kids can wait their turn until he’s done with the item.  I wouldn’t expect him to go take something from another kid or have that kid have to give up their toy because he wants it, so that’s what I want to instill in him too.  Not to be mean when a kid tries to take his toy, but to stand his ground.  But, I digress.  We packed things up and went home where he played in his little pool for a bit before announcing that he was hungry.  Problem with that was that I had none of the foods he wanted in the house.  It was grocery day and my plan was to get by on what we had already and then go to the store in the afternoon while Eddie watched Hunter.  But…no.  He freaked out and there we were, back in the car, headed to the grocery store.  He then was the demanding, bossy toddler at the grocery store.  Melting down when I told him he couldn’t buy some chewy fruit things because they had a dinosaur on the package (because it would be a total waste of money as he doesn’t even like them) and just being all kinds of horrible.  But then we got  to the check out and he was this sweet little angel helping me put things onto the conveyor.  We went home.  I made him some food.  He refused to eat the food that he was demanding only 40 minutes earlier.  He said he was tired.  I tried to put him down for a nap in his bed.  Nope.  Tried to get him to lie on my bed with me to nap there.  Nope.  So we were BACK in the car again (if you’re counting, this is the third time we got in the car for the day) and went for the same drive as the day before.  He fell asleep immediately.  We drove for almost an hour.  The amount of gas I’m wasting on these damn naps is insane.  Once he was awake, we went home.  And meltdown city continued on.  Eddie stopped the work he was doing on the yard and tried to intervene.  He told me that he would take him somewhere since he wasn’t acting out with just him.  But he still had so much to do to meet our end goal of the weekend and I couldn’t let him stop.  So I eventually figured out that Hunter had remembered that first thing in the morning I mentioned that we could go for a hike.  That was what he was melting down over.  So I got changed, put my hiking runners on, and BACK into the car we went.  While we were driving to our usual spot I realized that I truly didn’t have the energy to go for a hike, so I suggested we go and get him an ice cream at a new shop that opened in town.  Happy boy ensued.  He was so happy for about 30 minutes…until he shoved his entire ice cream cone on the ground.  I moved like a swift ninja and got it back on the cone using the 5 second rule.  When he grabbed the cone from me again, he crunched the entire thing in his hands, breaking it to pieces.  So I jumped up, with it cupped in my hands, and asked the employee for a cup to put it in.  I swear she was probably the dumbest person I had dealt with in a long time.  She stared at me blankly and said “so you want another ice cream?”  “NO!” I announced frustrated “I just need a cup to put the ice cream that’s melting in my hands into.”  She then stood and stared at me for another moment then, at the pace of a snail, got me a cup.  It’s not in my personality to snap at strangers, especially people who are working hard, like that, but my day had been tipped over the scale so many times that I had had enough.  I brought the cup back to Hunter, washed off my hands, and he then dropped the entire cup on the ground and out slipped the ice cream…again.  I, again, put the ice cream back in the cup, shoved it at him and let him eat the second round of floor ice cream.  Germs be damned.  I didn’t care anymore.  He then announced he wanted to go home, but I first needed to stop at the toy store nextdoor to pick up a toy for his daycare BFF whose birthday party is next weekend.  Thankfully he was good in the store and I let him pick a little bouncy ball to bring home.  We started to drive home, but this kid is smarter than I give him credit for.  He knows the exact route to home as well as to his favourite hiking spot.  So when he saw me turn left instead of go straight, he freaked out about going hiking.  I thought we had passed that point.  It was 5:00, he needed dinner and a bath still.  But…no.  He needed to go on that damn hike.  Which I knew really meant that he wanted to take the shortcut to the river and throw rocks.  I tried to reason with him and say it was time to go home, but I was so, so, so done with all of the screaming and whining of the day that I gave in, turned around and headed back to his hiking spot.  I knew that at least there I could sit in the sand and tune out while he happily threw rocks.  It only sort of went that way.  Homie decided he actually wanted to hike around bear infested area which was a great time with me trying to chase him down and haul him back to the safe area of the river.  I put my foot down at this point and we went home.  I stopped at McDonalds and got him a happy meal, because I didn’t feel like having the dinner battle and then we went home.  All was going not too badly until old neighbours of ours decided to stop by unannounced.  This got the dogs all riled up, it got Hunter upset because their daughters were touching his toys and it got me horribly embarrassed by the current state of our house, made even worse by said excited dogs coming in from outside with freshly cut grass all over their paws and now spread throughout the house.  I happen to know that these neighbours are clean freaks, so I kept apologizing for the mess and tried to blame it all on being in construction mode.  Doesn’t really explain the grass all over the floor or the mountain of laundry on the couch or the couch pillows thrown everywhere (that one I can’t even blame the toddler on.  That one was ALL the husband).  They left after a brief period, I told Eddie that he was putting Hunter to bed, which he did happily, and I got myself ready to go for a run.  Did I want to go for a run?  No.  I was falling asleep standing up.  But I needed to do something for myself for the first time all day.  I quickly threw some chicken into the Instant Pot in preparation for this week’s diet friendly lunches, and when I knew that Eddie wasn’t going to need me to tap in for putting the monster to bed, I headed out the door and went for a decent 5km run in the hills of my neighbourhood.  It was the best thing I could have done for myself.  I needed to release all the insanity of the weekend.  I needed some feel good endorphins to kick in.  When I got home, Eddie was cleaning and I fell into his arms exhausted, needing a big hug.  I mentioned how hard the day was and how many times I wished I didn’t have a kid.  But I didn’t get into how exhausted I was as he was just as tired from working hard all day long on jobs I should have been helping with and he was still on his feet doing some of the housework that had been my goal to complete that day.

So now, after all of that, I’m back at work for a long week of dealing with other people’s crap and hopefully avoiding the dramas going on around the office.  My manager isn’t here which is pretty great.  No one to watch my every move like a hawk.  So I will pick away at my list of goals for the week and hope to be able to report to her, when she gets back, how kick ass I was during her absence.

Not to make this all a downer email, here are a few positives that happened over the weekend in picture format!

I just wanted one nice picture of me and my little boy after all of his pool time.  This is as good as it gets.
Eddie hung this gorgeous Native piece that we bought from one of our local artists.  It’s huge and dominating our living room wall, but I love it!
Eddie got the front room cleared out so we can now start to transform it to a play room for Hunter.  Still some more things that need to be done in it but it’s a positive start to a space that Hunter already loves being in.
Hunter insisted on wearing his little construction costume on our hike.  It made so many people smile, including me.  You can’t see in this picture, but he’s also wearing his safety goggles too.
And lastly, the husband worked tirelessly all day long putting together our new infrared sauna in the backyard.  He built the deck (not quite finished) last weekend and it is now one step closer to completion.  Just need to get it hooked up to power.  Then a little landscaping to be done around it and it’s good to go!

Rushed Bits and Pieces

Time for a point by point write up from me because I can’t be bothered writing an entire post about one particular subject.

  • We had a really great weekend camping out in the middle of nowhere. We had no cellphone service at all where we parked up and we truly escaped life.  I won’t lie, I did have some uneasiness about going camping when we still have so much to do at home in regards to some building of decks outside, organizing the garage, buying furniture, but all of those things can happen at any time.  They aren’t going anywhere and we decided we don’t want our summer to be spent regretting that we didn’t go camping enough and that we were just slaves to household chores.  I already do enough of that on a day to day basis so I really rely on weekends to do some fun things as a family.  But, going back to the camping.  Hunter played like mad the whole time even though he was the only kid there.  He exhausted himself every day and was actually asking to go to bed each evening.  He went to bed early and slept in late!  It was just a small group of four of us on this trip and it was actually still really enjoyable with lots of interesting conversations by the fire in the evening, cooking for each other and just hanging out.  We took the ATVs out for a really long ride on Sunday and found an amazing spot that could be our next camping location and then we simply bombed around the trails and roads for almost 5 hours!  And Hunter actually fell asleep while riding.  So I passed him over to Eddie, who is a far more confident rider than I am and he held Hunter while he took his nap driving around the trails.  Even though I was on duty a lot with Hunter because there were no other kids there, I still felt much more relaxed than I had in the last few weeks and was able to truly breathe and unwind a bit.
  • Still no major movement on our home renovations. We got told that drywalling would be starting on both the kitchen and ensuite bathroom this week but there clearly isn’t anything being done.  I don’t know what the hold up is and I’m hesitant to ask Eddie for fear that it’s going to be something that will cause more delays later on.  I lost my shit the other night when I needed a measuring cup and our instant pot.  I was tearing boxes apart, cursing the world because I couldn’t find anything, despite my efforts at labeling boxes with what was inside.  I lost it on Eddie saying I’m sick and tired of having no kitchen and all kinds of other miserableness.  It wasn’t pretty.  I got over it after I vented my frustrations, but I still am pretty down because we won’t have a kitchen for more than a month still.
  • Yesterday I started the intermittent fasting that my nutritionist recommended to me. It’s been an interesting ride so far.  I eat dinner at 7:00 then I go roughly 16-18 hours without eating.  Then I have lunch.  Glorious lunch.  Which is still pretty dull in the grand scheme of things.  It’s chicken, 1.5 cups of certain veggies and 1.5 cups of certain fruits.  SO thankful I get fruits.  I thought the hunger would be all consuming and leave me miserable all morning, but because I chose to start on a work day, I’ve had enough distractions to keep me from focusing on the hungry feeling.  When I think about how I have to do this for another 28 days it’s a little overwhelming, but I know that this is for the goodness of my health and to get my body working the way it should be.  I have to weigh myself daily as well as measure myself daily.  I haven’t done measurements yet, but I will.  But I have tracked weight for the last two days and I’m already seeing movement.  So that’s something to keep me going.  I did a workout with my trainer last night and was surprised with how much energy I had despite the fasting period.  I know within a few days I will be more adjusted to it and will lament a little less about my hungry state and instead focus on the good changes happening not only to my appearance with shrinking away fat, but getting my metabolism working properly again.
  • In kid news. Daycare actually got Hunter to sit on the little toilets that they have and he peed in it!  This is such a mom thing to be so excited about, but it’s pretty huge considering the push back I get from him every time I ask him if he wants to go on the potty at home.  He still won’t go near the toilet at home despite my efforts of offering bribes and rewards.  So I’m hoping that if daycare gets him on there a few more times, that we can start easing into him doing it at home.  I have some reading to do about potty training but struggling to find time to delve into the book I got.
  • But, tied into the last point, it isn’t so much finding it hard to find time. It’s actually me having a hard time giving up the 45 minutes of total ME time in the evening once everything is done and putting it towards reading a book on how to get my kid to use a toilet.  Those 45 minutes that come after the many chores are my time to choose to go to bed early, watch something on Netflix or just sit and scroll through my phone mindlessly.  I know I need to read the damn advice about toilet training, but how do I fit it into my busy day while still keeping some time for me and me only?  All you people whose kids potty trained themselves…consider yourself lucky!!  This is one daunting task!!
  • Hunter has a nasty, nasty cold and cough right now. He’s a little trooper and pushes through it.  But when he takes a moment to breathe in his chaotic little life he realizes he doesn’t feel well and whiny, clingy kid appears.  We had ALL the tears last night from him when he was trying to do things he isn’t allowed or refused to brush his teeth.  So many big, fat tears rolling down his snot smeared cheeks.
  • That’s it. It’s 10 minutes until I’m allowed to eat food for the first time today so I am going to go and enjoy the shit out of it!!!